Feeling depressed.....

I got on here to vent to hopefully feel better and realized all of my pictures in my older posts are X'd. I remembered I was having problems with photobucket a while back and went through and deleted a bunch of pics, not realizing it would delete them from my blog!! That makes me even more frustrated! I want to pull my boobs of and SCREAM!!!!
Which brings me to my boobs. I was told by the GI Dr's nurse that he wants me to quit bfing for atleast a few days to see if Kaiden is reacting to my breast milk. So yesterday I had to quit cold turkey. It has been soooooooooo hard. Me and him have both cried tons. His poor voice is half what it use to be from crying so hard and so much :( I'm so sad I had to quit right now, I know he is 14 months, and to some people that is enough, but I wanted to breastfeed him till 2, like I almost did with Ethan. And especially since Kaiden is my last it makes it even harder. I want another one so bad and have told myself its not going to happen, and then having to wean Kaiden doesn't help one bit. My boobs are absolutely killing me!! They are humongous and hard as a rock. It hurts to hold kaiden :(
I'm just emotional. I'm sure some people will think I'm silly, but I feel the way I feel. And right now I feel like crap. I want to breastfeed my baby! I love the look in his eyes when he's breastfeeding, it makes me so sad that I wont see that look anymore. And it pisses me off that something that provides so much comfort to him can be what causes him so much pain. That's just wrong!
I'm sitting here with tears, if anyone asks how I'm doing I almost start crying all over again.
Well there is my pity party/pissed off party!!
IM SO ANGRY!