Lots of stuff to say

Wow, it feels like forever since I have posted! I hope I don't leave anything out!
Kaiden took his first real step. I stood him up, let go, he stood balanced for a few seconds then took a step, tried to take another, but fell. That was May 5th. 8 1/2 months old. I want to buy him a push walker to help him, but have to find one cheap. I know it will be a handful, lol, but atleast he wont be so close to the ground to eat everything!!

I reintroduced milk into my diet on the 30th and it has been soooo great!! Kaiden hasn't been any worse so I guess his tummy can handle it. His appt with the pediatric GI is one week from today. Anyway, I am just loving my milk products!!!

We got Ethan his ballet outfit!! I cant believe how hard it was to find something for him. We couldn't find just a simple black ballet top, they all had to have some sort of girly pattern. We were looking for plain purple also. Well we found some black leggings and black ballet slippers at wal mart. Then I was going through the dollar store, and they had purple bathing suits, but had the frilly thing going around the waist. I bought it anyway, and it worked! I just tuck the frilly thing into his pants, he looks soooooo cute, his ballet instructor just loved it!! All the girls are wearing pink and he is the only boy, so he will stand out :)
Here is a picture of him in his outfit, the girls are not in the outfits they will be in for the recital though.


Ethan completed one year of preschool! We had his ceremony last week!! He got a certificate, so did I, and Neils got a special one for how great he was when he would volunteer. Here are some pictures:
This one is him right before school one day, he's just so handsome!

This one is him getting his certificate, its blurry :(

and this is the cake, it was a picture of the 3 different classes, cool!


This past weekend was a busy weekend. We went to Kaidens best buddy (besides his brother) Nikolas's birthday, got to watch the cutie turn 1!!! It was a great party! Nikolas is just to cute! He was so pooped out, he fell asleep in his highchair before he ate some real food, which was before cake and presents, lol. He made out!! He got tons of great presents!
here's a pic of him passed out in his high chair

Here is him after Jennifer laid him down, you can see his awesome Birthday shirt real well.

and here is him with his first cupcake :)


On Sunday we went to dad and sues, for Neils, Dads, and Sues birthdays, they are all only a few days apart. Sue pulled off a GREAT bar b q. She makes great hamburgers and tri tip. Mmmm!!! It was scrumptious! Here is a picture of Kaiden being thrown in the air, LOL


We got Ethan a bunkbed so he would have more room in his room. He has been VERY responsible with it.
here is a pic:


And hubby and his friend built us a bed. Its awesome!! I cant believe how well it turned out, and our room looks soooo much better, you can actually walk around in it! and the crib fits nicely in there, so Kaiden is now sleeping his crib the first few hours of the night, then with us.
The bed is almost done, still needs rails and headboard.
here is a pic:


I've been having a lot of emotional trouble, if that's what you would call it, lol. I'm not sure what you call it. But ever since I was on bedrest with Kaiden I have been having problems. I never want to clean my house. I use to love cleaning my house, it would make me feel good!! But now I never want to vacuum, dust, sweep mop, anything, my house can look like a complete pig sty and I still don't want to do anything. Well I want to do something, but I don't feel like doing it. And I haven't been the same mom at all and its just slowly eating me alive. I use to enjoy playing with Ethan, now I never want to, its extremely hard to just play for 5 minutes. Pretty much the same with Kaiden. I would rather hold him instead of play with him. I know some parents are just like that, but not me, I use to love it! I use to take Ethan to the park and run around crazy with him, now I don't. There are several other things, and I have been ignoring them, but have realized I just cant anymore, I need to do something. I have been wondering if its depression, but I was under the impression that if you are depressed you are never happy, never laugh, never have good days. But I talked with my mom, and she said that with depression you can feel all of those, so I do think I'm depressed, or my hormones are out of whack, which I believe is what PPD is. Its easy to write it down, but not talk about it. I don't feel I can explain it, people who have gone through it understand, like my mom, and I feel weird admitting something is wrong, I feel its weakness, but I know its not. I know depression can happen to anyone, even the strongest of people. It just happens. I just want to feel normal. When I was watching my nephew on Monday was when it finally reached a point where I cant keep ignoring it, its just getting worse. I always thought that you would know if someone else is depressed, but you really wont. That's why some people commit suicide and no one has a clue that anything was wrong. Its kinda scary! Makes me want to ask everyone I know and love, "are you sure everything is ok? I know you are acting normal, but do you feel like your normal self?" Anyway, I'm rambling. I see my Dr. In 2 hrs, I'm really nervous, I feel very weird talking about myself, LOL, especially about this. But I need to do something. I normally hate drugs and have always thought with depression that you should do therapy or something first, but with the way I'm feeling, I need something now, not therapy. And I don't care if its drugs. Enough of that.

I might come back and post more because I'm sure I'm forgetting something.
Here are some more pics: