Feeling depressed.....

I got on here to vent to hopefully feel better and realized all of my pictures in my older posts are X'd. I remembered I was having problems with photobucket a while back and went through and deleted a bunch of pics, not realizing it would delete them from my blog!! That makes me even more frustrated! I want to pull my boobs of and SCREAM!!!!
Which brings me to my boobs. I was told by the GI Dr's nurse that he wants me to quit bfing for atleast a few days to see if Kaiden is reacting to my breast milk. So yesterday I had to quit cold turkey. It has been soooooooooo hard. Me and him have both cried tons. His poor voice is half what it use to be from crying so hard and so much :( I'm so sad I had to quit right now, I know he is 14 months, and to some people that is enough, but I wanted to breastfeed him till 2, like I almost did with Ethan. And especially since Kaiden is my last it makes it even harder. I want another one so bad and have told myself its not going to happen, and then having to wean Kaiden doesn't help one bit. My boobs are absolutely killing me!! They are humongous and hard as a rock. It hurts to hold kaiden :(
I'm just emotional. I'm sure some people will think I'm silly, but I feel the way I feel. And right now I feel like crap. I want to breastfeed my baby! I love the look in his eyes when he's breastfeeding, it makes me so sad that I wont see that look anymore. And it pisses me off that something that provides so much comfort to him can be what causes him so much pain. That's just wrong!
I'm sitting here with tears, if anyone asks how I'm doing I almost start crying all over again.
Well there is my pity party/pissed off party!!
IM SO ANGRY!

how the appt went

It went good. We talked for an hour, mostly her asking alot of questions. We decided that right now we will give him lactobacillus 3x a day and fish oil 2x a day. Both of those help heal the intestines so it will hopefully help him digest his food better. Then of course we will see Dr. Cox the GI Dr. and will go from here. She also said to not quit breastfeeding, that it sounds like Im doing everything right. She asked what his daily eating routine was, she said that sounded great, so if anyone is wondering, im not quitting breastfeeding, If it gets to where that is what I have to do, I will quit. But right now we are trying everything else first. Like i did with ethan, I plan to breastfeed til he either weans himself, or til he is 2.
well gotta get back to cleaning. I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MESSY MY HOUSE GETS SO FAST!!! I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!
-Heather

Kaiden sees the nutritionist

tomorrow at 2. It was originally set for November but Dr. Mallory talking to the nutritionist and they called today and said they will open for him tomorrow. We are seeing her so she can make sure hes getting everything he needs and more so he gains more weight. Hes at 3% right now, he has continued to drop in percentiles, and we dont want him going below 3% because it can start affecting his development and he can have failure to thrive. so we are basically trying to stay on top of the ball. Hes going to see the GI Dr. again too.

Kaiden can now say

Hi, Bye, what's that, yeah, look, Ethan, momma, dadda, kitty, can kinda say doggy, and I'm sure there is more I just cant remember right now.
he's always smiling. I just love it and so does everyone else. He's such a sweet lil guy!! He is still wearing his winter clothes that he wore last winter! He's my tiny lil guy.
Ethan is doing soooooo much better in preschool this year. He hasn't had a bad day yet! YAY!!!

My life lately

Well its starting to become winter again. And now I'm more into the blogging mood. In the summer I'm just to active.
Life has been a lot of fun!! I posted pics from our summer. Newest is at the top. Kaiden is now 13 1/2 months! His birthday was great!! Tons of ppl showed up. He had fun and is loving all of his toys. He didn't want to touch his cake though!! lol. I made it all special, completely dairy free. Also egg and nut free and it was delicious!! I also decorated it myself, lol. It wasn't great but I think it was pretty good for my first time with no experience. Ethan has learned to rollerblade. Too cute!! He's also in karate. He loves it, and it teaches such great discipline!! He looks so cute in his uniform. His friend Manny is in the class with him. Manny is a great listener!! Ethan is getting better. He likes to watch before he starts trying it, lol.
well I told Neils to go ahead and get clipped so I can stop thinking about it. I want more kids sooooooooooooooooo bad, but I know I shouldn't be pregnant again. We got so lucky with Ethan and even more lucky with kaiden. So in the future we might take in a foster child. I would love to!! Kids can be stressful but I just love it all.
well I might have more to say so I will come back :)